Everything crashes around me

Thursday, 25th October and everything crashes around me. This day was to be the first of two days that everything finally caught up with me. The realisation that the pain that I am going through is not going to get any better, but most likely will get worse as time goes on. Sleeping for me over the past year has been maybe four or five hours each night and now recently only two or three hours, all these of broken sleep.

I was a mess, tears streaming down my face, I texted my wife, Michelle and told her that I think I’ve just about had enough. Her support and love has gotten me this far.

Called the doctors and arranged an appointment to see a different GP as my normal doctor was away. The appointment was for later that afternoon. Now I was on antidepressants to help me through each day and on sick leave for a week. An appointment to see my normal doctor was made for Wednesday the following week.

Monday, 29th October was the second and the worst day. I sobbed uncontrollably in Michelle’s arms. I kept saying that I can’t do it anymore, I can’t deal with the stress of work along with the stress of everything else that I am going through. Today was the day that we realised that things were going to change for us in every way.

Wednesday came and off to the doctors we went. Another script for a second antidepressant to help me sleep at night. A medical certificate for six months sick leave and the necessary paperwork to claim income protection insurance.

A call to work to my boss to let her know the current situation, a meeting arranged for that Thursday and things were finally set in motion.

The company for which I work for, TJM Products have been really good to us. Over the past few months they have allowed me to work from home a couple of days a week so that I could take my strong painkillers. Most recently they authorised for me to work full time from home so that I could take my painkillers everyday.

Thursday and time for the meeting at work with my boss and the HR team. After filling them in on how things are and everything that is happening. It was decided that we would meet again in one month to see if anything had changed with my situation as they would need to replace me, either permanently or temporarily.

Michelle and I left the meeting feeling much better with things, even though the future was still uncertain for us.

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