Yes, I’m still here….. I haven’t written anything since November last year, not because I wouldn’t have have much to write, but because I haven’t been inspired to write anything. You see, I feel that my life since then has been quite, boring.
My days are pretty much the same. I have days when I feel ok, though still in pain, and then there are days like today. Today where I’m in a world of pain, where all I can do is just lie down on the couch, trying to be in a position where I’m in the least amount of pain. Sure, I could just pump myself full of narcotic drugs as I generally do to get myself through the weekends. Just to be sociable, to have ‘a life’. But then there are the consequences of this – addiction and withdrawals.
So, today, as other days, I just try to push through and deal with this sometimes excruciating pain. Because as I lie here dealing with it, I hopefully increase my coping mechanisms and pain level management. I know that as things continue to deteriate and the degenerative disc disease worsens, that I’m going to need to be continually raising the level of pain that I can cope with. And along with this, try to put off the need to take these awful drugs, at least during the week anyway.
But through all this pain, I am still learning to put everything in Gods’ hands. Learning to trust in Him, learning that everything happens for a reason. Through the discomfort and the pain, God has a plan. Even though people tell me that they see how what I am going through has helped others to stay strong and focussed on God through their pain and suffering. Still, there are times where I cannot see what His plan is for me through all this.
Sure, the day will come when I can look back and see why God allowed me to go through all this. The reasons as to why things happen and how it all just fell into place as a part of His plan for my life and for those closest to me.